i have finally become useful.
i am now the guy who can pronounce the word “iconography” in my history of latin american cities class. i have now been called on 3 times to say it while the prof is stumbling to get it out of his mouth.
IT FEELS GOOD.
that’s in stark contrast to the thing that is also happening where every word out of my mouth during class, whether they are answers to questions or questions i am asking, sound like a baffling, awkward mush to my ears.
i know it’s my neuroses fucking with me. the ones that are imagining that the needle is getting scratched off the record with every utterance. where everything seems too loud, and every word trails off without conviction.
it can’t possibly be the case, of course. i recall thinking that the older students who always had something to say were kind of irritating when i was doing this before, but i’ll be damned if i’m not going to get as much out of this whole thing as i can.
if you’re going to do a thing, do the shit out of it.